Noel Fielding Tweet Archive

@noelfielding11

Continuing my OCD series all about Noel Tweets, I thought I’d just post the lot. This is a hobby I do to distract myself from the hobbies and pursuits I’m otherwise distracting myself from. Since no one reads this blog, it has the advantage of being virtually invisible in plain sight.

For the record, I’m not one of the women who will show up at Noel’s residence and tell the police that I’m the REAL Mrs. Fielding. There are a couple people at Twitter who may qualify for that gig. I have a tremendous respect for Noel Fielding. He’s a genius and a great inspiration. Even his Twitter account is a work of art as he saw it as a challenge to “paint a word picture” in a short space, which he does quite well, quite often.

It’s sad to me that Noel left over a few of psycho teenagers who plan to marry him someday (even if they will never meet him and are a third of his age) and who think the way to attain that goal is to attack his friends. Genius girls. (that was sarcasm.)

He has not deleted the account, and I hope his PR people take it over (48,000 followers is nothing to snuff at!) and use it make announcements and clear up rumors. If he and his people approach it as a business tool rather than a personal journal, it may work better for him.

Noel’s 92 Tweets:

• next sataday 11.45 the genius that is julia Davis has a show on bbc . x Watch it please. this is my last twitter hope it was useful. 5:42 AM Mar 16th via web Retweeted by you and 15+ others

• Its a nice day for a white wedding. Its a nice day to start again. ha ha ha x x x 7:21 AM Mar 13th via web Retweeted by you and 15+ others

• my hair has been xrayed and is spending the weekend relaxing in france with some friends (The Sideburns). 1:56 PM Mar 5th via web Retweeted by you and 15+ others

• For the record I am totally fine.The whole thing was like the scene with the blind man and the harpies. 1:46 PM Mar 5th via web Retweeted by you and 3 others

• overwhelmed by all the twitter love. Me and my useless flamingo have constructed a glass pope-mobile to travel around in safely. 12:14 PM Mar 4th via web Retweeted by you and 15+ others

• I am fine just slightly furious . Thanks for the concern. Maybe I should bake them cookies and try to hug it out. Ha Ha Ha. 10:19 AM Mar 4th via web Retweeted by you and 3 others

• Horrific . I am so angry I cant spell. 10:16 AM Mar 4th via web Retweeted by you and 6 others

• i hope the three chavs who just attacked me in the street for no reason dont die in a hoffific motorway pile up. That would be awful . 10:12 AM Mar 4th via web Retweeted by you and 15+ others

• monkey edwards hoses himself down with my dreams. the dream hose is wild and green. like an artificial snake. 10:03 AM Feb 27th via web Retweeted by you and 15+ others

• monkey edwards ate my swatch watch. and vomited up the peices into a stream by the graveyard. i will whack this sick thug by noon tomorrow . 9:58 AM Feb 27th via web Retweeted by you and 15+ others

• just made an egg macmuffin for Hugh Laurie. He does’nt know this as I have never met him. But I will be furious if he lets it go cold. 7:47 AM Feb 21st via web Retweeted by you and 15+ others

• my flamingo has just been arrested in stoke newington.for spray painting a miami vice logo on the side of a police van. ha ha ha pink banksy 4:59 PM Feb 20th via web Retweeted by you and 15+ others

• the crisps all looked the other way. except for the hula hoops who were down wid that shit. 5:34 PM Feb 18th via web

• i was in cost cutter the other day and sultans of swing was playing. i had to stay until it was finished. dancing infront of the crisps. 5:32 PM Feb 18th via web

• A few people were shocked when they found out i liked hole. can i just say in my defence i like dire straights as well. 5:21 PM Feb 18th via web

• Went to see Hole last night. Courtney was wearing an old greg tutu. Her voice was like broken magic. A living legend. 5:46 AM Feb 18th via web Retweeted by you and 15+ others

• Going into the studio to record some sunflash lyrics for a new guitar part julian has put down . oh rearly ? Ha Ha Ha 5:53 AM Feb 15th via web Retweeted by you and 15+ others

• what does brian ferry see ? Everything with his eyes like split peas. Apart from Wally Womack who is folded up neatly in blind spot village. 3:04 PM Feb 13th via web Retweeted by you and 15+ others

• my flamingo is a nonse bag. 3:36 PM Feb 11th via web Retweeted by you and 15+ others

• now that i dont drink anymore the thought of poirot weekend is blowing my tiny mind. fuck you flamingo. you can go to the john cazale museum 8:16 PM Feb 10th via web Retweeted by you and 11 others

• i will be honest with you my flamingo is really getting omy nerves. 7:00 PM Feb 10th via web

• i want to watch poirot. my flamingo wants to watch the god father again. i think my flamingo is in love with john cazel. 6:55 PM Feb 10th via web

• me and my flamingo are on the way to tescos. I am buying fish fingers. My famingo is buying party straws. we walk in single file. In silence 3:42 PM Feb 10th via web Retweeted by you and 15+ others

• father yod and the family source. 11:51 AM Feb 10th via web Retweeted by you

• whisky bottle. brand new car. oak tree you’re in my way. 6:16 PM Feb 9th via web Retweeted by you and 15+ others

• Wish Tame Impala would hurry up and release their album . Love those boys. 8:41 AM Feb 7th via web Retweeted by you and 15+ others

• Ideas for the Boosh film taking shape and moving around on the floor. 7:07 AM Feb 4th via web Retweeted by you and 15+ others

• smashing down the way in jack boots like junior gainsbourg 5:12 AM Feb 4th via web Retweeted by you and 6 others

• Horrace the horse and his magic foot shelf. 2:13 PM Feb 3rd via web

• Requiem for a twister 7:57 PM Jan 26th via web

• Ray looks over at the wasp who now resembles that feeling you get when you win a competition. 11:34 AM Jan 25th via web Retweeted by you and 11 others

• At least there is Arthur Lee. 5:35 PM Jan 22nd via web

• Hes flying. I can hear his wings flapping. Boom, Boom, Boom. This is the big one. Were gonna catch him Johny. 2:16 PM Jan 20th via web

• That traveling salesman mr Jim. He smelled of miracles . 8:17 AM Jan 19th via web

• my uncle remained a silhouette even in well lit rooms. 5:14 PM Jan 14th via web Retweeted by you and 15+ others

• There is someone on face book pretending to be me who is deeply insane. For the record I have no face book account and this person is a dick 5:28 PM Jan 12th via web Retweeted by you and 15+ others

• I’m your huckleberry. 9:03 AM Jan 12th via web Retweeted by you and 14 others

• Jonny two hats is doing a show tonight .go along and shoot laughter into his tummy pouch . 11:21 AM Jan 11th via web

• Think I just solved the problem of high density. 9:08 AM Jan 9th via web

• Horse of the dog the best album of the last decade hands down. Nothing comes close. 5:49 PM Jan 8th via web

• Just for the record it was two stamps. 11:47 AM Jan 6th via web

• Tiny young arms like sling shots. The white mist the broken dreams . Bing Crosby with an Ice erection. 11:45 AM Jan 6th via web

• Threw one back then went into the corner shop to get a stamp. when I came out it was like the end of Butch Cassidy and the Sundance kid. 11:42 AM Jan 6th via web

• Just got pelted with snow balls by about twenty kids. Not acceptable. They were all screaming get Vince. 11:35 AM Jan 6th via web

• I have presented myself through out history as a series of patterns. 10:10 AM Jan 5th via web

• Dan says if I clean his dressing room before the gig I can get in free. Hooray. I will hoover then fill the room with scented candles. 4:06 PM Jan 3rd via web

• dan clark eleventh of january. get a ticket and watch wonky Don Johnson as he makes you laugh and charms the pants off you. x 3:59 PM Jan 3rd via web

• the scroobious snake,who always wore a hat on his head, for fear he should bite anybody. 7:25 PM Jan 2nd via web

• Note to self move into a crumbling mansion in the hamptons and spend the days dancing around in a head scarf . 7:55 AM Dec 31st, 2009 via web

• We could jump into the fire… 9:48 AM Dec 29th, 2009 via web

• here comes Alan pause showing off in his brand new trainers. Typical. 8:28 AM Dec 24th, 2009 via web

• can I just say for the record my brother is not a twerp he is a beautiful shambles . There can be only one Naboo . 10:16 AM Dec 23rd, 2009 via web Retweeted by you and 15+ others

• oh dear, @jimmylazers is furious. Ruined by a 13 year old! Although she’s just said I look like the badie in Casino Royale! how dare she! 5:39 PM Dec 22nd, 2009 via API

• out with @jimmylazers drinking cocktails on a London rooftop with timothy claypole aka the twerp that is my bother Naboolio 2:27 PM Dec 22nd, 2009 via API

• The security man was nice in the end once he saw my reciept. We are going on a pic nic in the new year. At home now listening to the tubes. 12:20 PM Dec 21st, 2009 via web

• And I am so rubbish at saying no I did the photo. Best part is the security guy took it for us. Ha Ha Ha Ha 12:05 PM Dec 21st, 2009 via web

• So I am on my knees bits of broken c.d in my hand explaining the concept of reciebts to this ape. and a young girl says can I get a photo ? 12:01 PM Dec 21st, 2009 via web

• Then some idiot security man accused me of stealing the broken C.ds I had just bought from a different shop. I am winona Ryder. 11:54 AM Dec 21st, 2009 via web

• christmas trauma -shopping in town a women fell over took me down with her and I cut my hand open on my own broken c.ds. 11:49 AM Dec 21st, 2009 via web

• went to see Kim Nobles show at the soho theatre absolutely mind blowing 9:11 AM Dec 17th, 2009 via web

• “where the wild thngs are” is beautiful and magical. like the first time a snow flake lands on your tongue ..Go see it at once. 11:53 AM Dec 13th, 2009 via web

• It was still breathing as I smashed its head in with my chelsea boot. “Typical of you.” Jason barked. “Your head is a racing car.” 10:56 AM Dec 9th, 2009 via web

• I dragged the huge chinese shark up three flights of stairs into the egyptian palace. (The first line of my novel. ) 7:08 AM Dec 9th, 2009 via web

• just seen the new york dolls amazing. Doing Boosh signing tomorrow in ol london town you slags. 1pm waterstones piccadilly, come as a priest 7:44 PM Dec 4th, 2009 via web

• glitter the eyes of a frightened faun who bites the red flowers with his small white teeth brown and bloody as the dregs of wine 3:30 PM Nov 25th, 2009 via web Retweeted by you and 15+ others

• Thank god the crayola kids are still with us. I just saw a horse made out of numbers, not acceptable. 4:02 PM Nov 8th, 2009 via web

• i am drawing john and edward in thick orange crayon 1:26 PM Nov 8th, 2009 via web Retweeted by you and 7 others

• @llianabird – you are not as good as john and edward and everyone knows it. 1:20 PM Nov 8th, 2009 via web in reply to ladybirdshapes

• ITseems there has been a major cock up somewhere I thought people had been informed ages ago. so sorry I feel terrible 9:26 AM Nov 4th, 2009 via web

• I really wish I had time to do everything but there have been a lot of complications and things shifting around out of my control. sorry . 9:21 AM Nov 4th, 2009 via web

• I am really sorry if anyone bought tickets I really did not know that tickets had gone on sale when I cancelled it. So sorry people x 9:18 AM Nov 4th, 2009 via web

• Just a quick message to say my tour has been cancelled so that Julian and I can concentrate on writing the film and the album x 8:29 AM Nov 4th, 2009 via web

• my brother dreamed I was trapped inside a huge solid gold greyhound on wheels wearing a poncho with my face sticking out. I love him. 6:53 AM Oct 6th, 2009 via web

• Frankie is gonna kill his wife and kid .lets hear it for Frankie Teardrop. 7:22 PM Sep 21st, 2009 via web

• also the bbc have been very supportive and I have not been fired from the Buzzcocks as far as I know. x 9:30 AM Aug 20th, 2009 via web

• Scream thy last scream old women with a casket. Thank for all the support it means a lot to me. it really does. Thankyou wolf pack. 9:15 AM Aug 20th, 2009 via web

• I saw a group of unicorns all watching the Wire yesterday. They were so in to it. 6:54 AM Aug 13th, 2009 via web

• the doctor and te pencil have been released from the mental institution and are heading to the vibe bar to D.J as we speak. 6:00 AM Aug 13th, 2009 via web

• learning my lines for this zombie film at the big chill festival. 7:03 PM Aug 4th, 2009 via web

• eating a cat 7:02 PM Aug 4th, 2009 via web

• @aflutterby http://twitpic.com/c84vu – nice photo gemini magnet xx 9:15 PM Aug 3rd, 2009 via TwitPic

• Peter Green is a legend. Listening to him now and he is covering my soul in glitter and green jewels. 8:17 AM Jul 19th, 2009 via web

• very excited about Boosh trip to america. Saw kasabian last night at brixton they took the roof off. watching Monkey in bed irrepressible. 3:24 PM Jul 18th, 2009 via web (10)

• I am listening to “Newyork groove” by Ace Frehley and dancing on my own in my kitchen. what a sunday. 11:55 AM Jul 12th, 2009 via web (9)

• I am scared of my own hands. 11:47 AM Jul 12th, 2009 via web

• I am the sure the white cat staring at me through the window is someone I once new who is no longer living. I just get that feeling. 8:12 AM Jul 12th, 2009 via web

• wish I was a Crocodile. 7:59 AM Jul 12th, 2009 via web

• staring at the moon it looks like a peach coloured dish. 5:45 PM Jul 4th, 2009 via web

• i can confirm the boosh is going strong. we are of one blood ju ju and I . 1:11 PM Jun 30th, 2009 via web

• I loved murreys gold bag. I got inside it at one point and danced with a creature made from sweat bands called fabric Tony. 5:20 AM Jun 30th, 2009 via web

• just woke up and about to eat co co pops still reeling from the murrey match. 5:05 AM Jun 30th, 2009 via web

• Just lent on the button that closes the roof at Wimbledon. Oops 11:48 AM Jun 29th, 2009 via mobile web (1)